A bunch of my friends were at dinner and my friend Allison started telling us about this new apartment she was renting in Ottumwa. We all wanted to see it, so we decided to take a speedboat down the Des Moines River to see it. When we got to Ottumwa, she pointed to the water purification plant and told us that they had converted the entire building into apartments/lofts. The only way to get in was from the river, so we docked the boat and went inside. When we got in there, she told us that each tenant got one floor of the building, but she had the top three that were all one unit. As we walked around inside, I realized that there were no doors or walls, just futons and couches laying around everywhere. There also weren't any kitchens or bathrooms, just living spaces. The majority of the tenants were men in their 40's who were all passed out on their futons in the middle of the afternoon.
We walked up a flight of stairs and Allison informed us that to get to her penthouse, you had to climb a series of ladders. I suddenly realized that I was carrying my cat, Autumn, and that I was going to have to carry her up all these ladders. I put her in the pocket of my hooded sweatshirt and started to climb. We ended up climbing up one very long ladder, down the hall to a short ladder, around the corner where we had to climb DOWN a ladder to get to a secret floor of the building. This room was Allison's living room. She had an old couch and a huge TV. I wanted to stay there but she told us that we had to see her room on the next floor. We started climbing up the last ladder which was in a very narrow passageway. Because of the cat in my pocket I almost didn't fit and I got a little stuck and had to force myself through. I was very worried about Autumn, but when we got into the room she started running around and was fine.
In Allison's room she had a library full of every book or magazine we could ever want, a variety of movies to watch, and a stockpile of snacks. Katie decided that she was just going to live in the room, but I knew that eventually I had to get home to feed my other cat, Louie. I started to panic because I wasn't sure I could get back down all those ladders while holding Autumn. I mentioned this to Allison, hoping that she knew of an easier exit, but she informed me that people weren't intended to get back out once they entered. I tried to pick Autumn up so we could sneak down the ladder but she wouldn't come back to me. So I sat in the corner and cried.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The longest dream ever
I was hanging out with my aunt and uncle and I went out to run some errands. I decided to walk past the boat store and impulsively decided to buy a speed boat. I proudly drove the boat home through the local canals and when I pulled up at my dad's house, my uncle informed me that I didn't know how to drive a boat or tie it up at the dock. I kind of panicked, but decided I would just drive it back to the boat store and have them teach me. Luckily, I found a water conveyor belt that would guide me back to the boat store.
Once I got there, three elderly women in ball gowns helped me tie my boat up to the dock, and a large British man explained how to drive the boat. Feeling confident, I untied my boat and headed home. Suddenly I realized that Matt was going to be very angry that I bought this boat, and I probably shouldn't be making such large purchases without telling him. And then I remembered that last week I had bought a jet ski at a garage sale and I still hadn't told him. We have nowhere to store either of these purchases, so I decided that I would just have to keep my house as a nautical storage center after we got married.
I went home to the house that I shared with my co-worker Anna. She was busy so I went out to eat at When Pigs Fly, my favorite BBQ place. I was sitting in the back room when the waiter informed me that my friend David was eating in the other room with his family, and that his wife really needed some plastic baskets that they deliver the sandwiches in. I took her a stack and she was so happy that she told me to join them for dinner. David had just gotten a digital camera that instantly projected his pictures onto paper coasters (like they have at bars) so he kept taking pictures of all of us and giving us the coasters. Finally dinner was over, so I headed home, but David chased me through the parking lot because I forgot my coaster.
When I got home, Anna wanted me to see this great new game that she had discovered. She told me it was a video game called Cut the Dog, and you had to find the dog smoking a cigarette and grab it out of the dog's mouth. But if there was no cigarette, you had to cut the dog's hair. I tried it a few times on her iPod, but then she informed me she was taking it up a notch. She opened the oven and had a bunch of puppies in there with cigarettes that she would grab out of their mouths. I thought that was the most disturbing thing I'd ever seen, so I went downstairs.
I entered the living room and found my friend Dan hanging out with Fred Hoiberg. Fred was getting ready to leave, but he pulled out his backpack and asked us if we would like to buy a Tim Floyd jersey from him for $90 each. We both wanted one, so I tried to log in to Matt's corporate bank account to pay for them, but I couldn't remember the password. I called Matt and he refused to give it to me, so I got very angry because Fred was about to leave. I asked him to wait a moment and I walked outside through the wading pool so I could talk to Matt without Fred hearing me. I told him how important this was and Matt burst into tears because he couldn't remember the password and he'd been trying to keep anyone from finding out so he didn't get fired. I was angry because I realized I'd have to pay for the jersey myself, so I hung up and went into my childhood bedroom in Ottumwa. I hid down there pouting until I heard my co-worker Heather saying goodbye to Fred, so I knew I was running out of time. Before I went upstairs, I read my horoscope in a magazine which told me to pick two of my friend's spouses to be very mean to today and pick another one to do something nice for. I was just deciding who would fit into each category when I woke up.
Once I got there, three elderly women in ball gowns helped me tie my boat up to the dock, and a large British man explained how to drive the boat. Feeling confident, I untied my boat and headed home. Suddenly I realized that Matt was going to be very angry that I bought this boat, and I probably shouldn't be making such large purchases without telling him. And then I remembered that last week I had bought a jet ski at a garage sale and I still hadn't told him. We have nowhere to store either of these purchases, so I decided that I would just have to keep my house as a nautical storage center after we got married.
I went home to the house that I shared with my co-worker Anna. She was busy so I went out to eat at When Pigs Fly, my favorite BBQ place. I was sitting in the back room when the waiter informed me that my friend David was eating in the other room with his family, and that his wife really needed some plastic baskets that they deliver the sandwiches in. I took her a stack and she was so happy that she told me to join them for dinner. David had just gotten a digital camera that instantly projected his pictures onto paper coasters (like they have at bars) so he kept taking pictures of all of us and giving us the coasters. Finally dinner was over, so I headed home, but David chased me through the parking lot because I forgot my coaster.
When I got home, Anna wanted me to see this great new game that she had discovered. She told me it was a video game called Cut the Dog, and you had to find the dog smoking a cigarette and grab it out of the dog's mouth. But if there was no cigarette, you had to cut the dog's hair. I tried it a few times on her iPod, but then she informed me she was taking it up a notch. She opened the oven and had a bunch of puppies in there with cigarettes that she would grab out of their mouths. I thought that was the most disturbing thing I'd ever seen, so I went downstairs.
I entered the living room and found my friend Dan hanging out with Fred Hoiberg. Fred was getting ready to leave, but he pulled out his backpack and asked us if we would like to buy a Tim Floyd jersey from him for $90 each. We both wanted one, so I tried to log in to Matt's corporate bank account to pay for them, but I couldn't remember the password. I called Matt and he refused to give it to me, so I got very angry because Fred was about to leave. I asked him to wait a moment and I walked outside through the wading pool so I could talk to Matt without Fred hearing me. I told him how important this was and Matt burst into tears because he couldn't remember the password and he'd been trying to keep anyone from finding out so he didn't get fired. I was angry because I realized I'd have to pay for the jersey myself, so I hung up and went into my childhood bedroom in Ottumwa. I hid down there pouting until I heard my co-worker Heather saying goodbye to Fred, so I knew I was running out of time. Before I went upstairs, I read my horoscope in a magazine which told me to pick two of my friend's spouses to be very mean to today and pick another one to do something nice for. I was just deciding who would fit into each category when I woke up.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Evergreens
I had been hired by a church to be their sanctuary decorator for weddings, funerals, etc. My primary responsibilities were to arrange for decorations on the altar and the end of the pews. We had an event coming during the weekend that was very important to the church, so they informed me that if I didn't do exactly what I wanted, they would not only fire me but I would also never be allowed back into the church. However, they didn't tell me what the event was or what the people wanted for decorations, so I was on my own. I decided to use evergreens on the ends of the pews, but I didn't have any way to affix them to the pews, so I was trying to tie them up with string. They were all crooked and uneven and the event was about to start, so I knew that I had failed. I left the church and got on my yacht were I was instantly in the middle of the ocean by myself.
*This is really only half of the dream. I have absolutely no recollection of what happened after I got on the boat.
*This is really only half of the dream. I have absolutely no recollection of what happened after I got on the boat.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Baby Chloe
Matt and I had just had a baby name Chloe, and we wanted to show her off so we took her to my church in Ottumwa. We walked around showing her to people, but then would sit her in a chair while we talked to people and she kept sliding off so I decided I should just hold her. Then another girl who was in my youth group walked in with an even younger baby boy, trying to steal my thunder. I walked over to compare babies and mine was very cute while hers was awkward looking and ugly.
Satisfied, we left Ottumwa and headed to my friends Kristi and Nate's house. I had brought my cats over and while they ran around, I decided to give Chloe a bottle. My friend Kati was there, and she took the bottle away from Chloe while it was still half full and said she was taking it to Target. I asked her not to take away the bottle while Chloe was still using it, but she said she needed it so that she could buy the right bottles to have on hand when I visited her house. I told her that I would bring my own bottles and that I was more concerned about Chloe eating right now than Kati preparing for my next visit, but she didn't want to hear that and she left.
Chloe was screaming because she was hungry, and I asked Kristi and Nate if they could help me and they said they agreed with Kati that I shouldn't be concerned about feeding my baby. I decided I needed to go home, so I set Chloe on the chair to chase after my cats and take them home.
Satisfied, we left Ottumwa and headed to my friends Kristi and Nate's house. I had brought my cats over and while they ran around, I decided to give Chloe a bottle. My friend Kati was there, and she took the bottle away from Chloe while it was still half full and said she was taking it to Target. I asked her not to take away the bottle while Chloe was still using it, but she said she needed it so that she could buy the right bottles to have on hand when I visited her house. I told her that I would bring my own bottles and that I was more concerned about Chloe eating right now than Kati preparing for my next visit, but she didn't want to hear that and she left.
Chloe was screaming because she was hungry, and I asked Kristi and Nate if they could help me and they said they agreed with Kati that I shouldn't be concerned about feeding my baby. I decided I needed to go home, so I set Chloe on the chair to chase after my cats and take them home.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The bus depot
I was driving back from camp with my friend Cristan when she became very, very angry at me. I couldn't figure out what I had done so we stopped at the bus depot where we ran into a girl we went to high school with. She told me that I had offended Cristan with my swervy driving and I should probably leave her alone for awhile.
Luckily I looked across the bus depot and my cousin Beth was sitting there in a business suit. I said hello to her and she told me I needed to come with her to the conference call she was about to sit in on. I was a little self conscious because I was under dressed, but I walked into the bus depot's conference room to join the meeting. The room was full of men in suits who were intensely discussing something. One of them stopped the meeting and asked where my padfolio was. I told him that I didn't have one because I didn't know about the meeting. Beth told me that wasn't good enough and asked me to leave immediately.
So I wandered around the depot for awhile, couldn't find Cristan, and returned to my swervy driving.
Luckily I looked across the bus depot and my cousin Beth was sitting there in a business suit. I said hello to her and she told me I needed to come with her to the conference call she was about to sit in on. I was a little self conscious because I was under dressed, but I walked into the bus depot's conference room to join the meeting. The room was full of men in suits who were intensely discussing something. One of them stopped the meeting and asked where my padfolio was. I told him that I didn't have one because I didn't know about the meeting. Beth told me that wasn't good enough and asked me to leave immediately.
So I wandered around the depot for awhile, couldn't find Cristan, and returned to my swervy driving.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wedding fiasco
I was in the basement of my church in Ottumwa right before the wedding and I couldn't find my dad anywhere. Finally someone told me that he had gone to do play by play for the SIU basketball game for Illinois and wouldn't be here. Suddenly he showed up though, and we decided we should start.
We headed to the Marriott and entered this strange open air lobby with lots of windows where a pre-wedding cocktail hour was going on. Our DJ was trying to give people instructions about what to do and where to go, but the mics weren't loud enough and they were very staticy. Somehow we managed to usher people into a ballroom where the ceremony was supposed to take place. The ballroom was divided in half by a really ugly curtain serving as a make shift divider, where the other half of the room was apparently to be used for the reception.
We got everyone seated and I realized that we had forgotten to do a rehearsal of the ceremony, so I was the only one who knew what was going on. I told Matt to head up to the front with his groomsmen. He looked very nervous but did as I instructed. Then my dad started trying to walk me down the aisle, and I informed him that it wasn't time yet because the bridesmaids needed to go first. He walked halfway down the aisle and yelled "Hold on everyone, we need to figure a few things out back here." And so we all had a pow wow in the back, I informed him what was happening, and we started over.
We got to the front of the ballroom and I realized that we had no minister to perform the ceremony so we had to do it ourselves. Matt and I muttered a few things about love and being married, and then Matt told everyone to go eat. We all walked around the curtain and Matt looked at me and asked "Are we even really married after that?" I had no idea so we decided to just start dancing to the DJ's quiet, staticy music for the rest of the night.
We headed to the Marriott and entered this strange open air lobby with lots of windows where a pre-wedding cocktail hour was going on. Our DJ was trying to give people instructions about what to do and where to go, but the mics weren't loud enough and they were very staticy. Somehow we managed to usher people into a ballroom where the ceremony was supposed to take place. The ballroom was divided in half by a really ugly curtain serving as a make shift divider, where the other half of the room was apparently to be used for the reception.
We got everyone seated and I realized that we had forgotten to do a rehearsal of the ceremony, so I was the only one who knew what was going on. I told Matt to head up to the front with his groomsmen. He looked very nervous but did as I instructed. Then my dad started trying to walk me down the aisle, and I informed him that it wasn't time yet because the bridesmaids needed to go first. He walked halfway down the aisle and yelled "Hold on everyone, we need to figure a few things out back here." And so we all had a pow wow in the back, I informed him what was happening, and we started over.
We got to the front of the ballroom and I realized that we had no minister to perform the ceremony so we had to do it ourselves. Matt and I muttered a few things about love and being married, and then Matt told everyone to go eat. We all walked around the curtain and Matt looked at me and asked "Are we even really married after that?" I had no idea so we decided to just start dancing to the DJ's quiet, staticy music for the rest of the night.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Disney world
I was planning a golf outing in Ottumwa for my friends and family, and the night before I realized that I had forgotten to order a lawn chair and a 5 iron. I knew it was too late to get either from the golf course, so I called my friend Brent and asked if he had any. He said that he would deliver both of them in the morning as long as he got to golf for free and I had to golf using only the 5 iron (which was right handed). I agreed, hung up the phone, and immediately started crying to Matt because I was so scared to golf with the 5 iron. Matt convinced me that I should probably skip the golf outing because it would be safer for me.
The next morning, I was just waking up and my friend Mike called and told me that Disney World had built a new second story facility about the Magic Kingdom and he wanted me to go with him to a meeting there. I was really excited and told Matt about it, and he informed me that his department was having a staff retreat there that day, but that I shouldn't talk to him because he would be very busy. Mike and I got to the new Disney World and it was basically a Disney themed flea market...just various booths of vendors selling Disney products everywhere. Then someone told me that if I went upstairs there was a really nice beach. Mike and I walked over there and I found a conference room underneath the stairs. Inside I found Matt and all of his co-workers.
I found my friend John who told me he wanted to play a game with me. He said he was going to flip a coin, and as soon as the coin hit the ground, I had to ask him 100 questions in a row as fast as I could without laughing. I launched into a stream of "How are you? What are you doing? Where did you learn this game? What Disney rides are you going to ride? What color shoes are you wearing?"...you get the idea. Meanwhile John was making funny faces at me and dancing around like a monkey. I eventually started laughing and he told me I lost the game and couldn't talk to him anymore.
I walked over to Matt who was sitting in a corner by himself with his laptop. He looked up and told me I could only talk to him if I had a bottle of shampoo in my backpack for him. I reached in the backpack and realized that I had accidentally brought a bottle of moisturizer instead of shampoo. Matt said that wasn't an acceptable substitute and that I needed to leave.
Then I noticed that my friend Katie, whose husband works with Matt, was also in the room watching Disney movies on DVD in the corner. I asked her if she wanted to go downstairs and ride Splash Mountain with me and she said she would, but she needed to find a portable DVD player to take with us so we could watch Disney movies while we walked around. This idea really upset me so I ran into the bathroom and locked myself in the stall to try and think of a way to ditch Katie and go to Splash Mountain by myself...but then I woke up.
The next morning, I was just waking up and my friend Mike called and told me that Disney World had built a new second story facility about the Magic Kingdom and he wanted me to go with him to a meeting there. I was really excited and told Matt about it, and he informed me that his department was having a staff retreat there that day, but that I shouldn't talk to him because he would be very busy. Mike and I got to the new Disney World and it was basically a Disney themed flea market...just various booths of vendors selling Disney products everywhere. Then someone told me that if I went upstairs there was a really nice beach. Mike and I walked over there and I found a conference room underneath the stairs. Inside I found Matt and all of his co-workers.
I found my friend John who told me he wanted to play a game with me. He said he was going to flip a coin, and as soon as the coin hit the ground, I had to ask him 100 questions in a row as fast as I could without laughing. I launched into a stream of "How are you? What are you doing? Where did you learn this game? What Disney rides are you going to ride? What color shoes are you wearing?"...you get the idea. Meanwhile John was making funny faces at me and dancing around like a monkey. I eventually started laughing and he told me I lost the game and couldn't talk to him anymore.
I walked over to Matt who was sitting in a corner by himself with his laptop. He looked up and told me I could only talk to him if I had a bottle of shampoo in my backpack for him. I reached in the backpack and realized that I had accidentally brought a bottle of moisturizer instead of shampoo. Matt said that wasn't an acceptable substitute and that I needed to leave.
Then I noticed that my friend Katie, whose husband works with Matt, was also in the room watching Disney movies on DVD in the corner. I asked her if she wanted to go downstairs and ride Splash Mountain with me and she said she would, but she needed to find a portable DVD player to take with us so we could watch Disney movies while we walked around. This idea really upset me so I ran into the bathroom and locked myself in the stall to try and think of a way to ditch Katie and go to Splash Mountain by myself...but then I woke up.
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